Death by remote

Adel Gabot


Have you ever tried to count how many remote controls rule your life?

Mine crowd the table like so much driftwood, jostling each other for position. Sometimes I think I’m going to drown in them. The pic above, while slightly intimidating, is even missing a couple. Must be under the bed or under the rack. Or maybe the dogs ate them. (When he was a puppy, Bobby once chewed the AV Receiver’s remote close to death; only 40% of the buttons work now. I still haven’t forgiven him for that—all the settings are on the remote. My bass is permanently overcranked, to the chagrin of my wife.)

Hey, come to think about it, I’m missing four more, actually, if you add all the damned wireless game controllers. Ack. That’s an even dozen. And each of our Macs at home have their own remotes too. That brings it to what, 15? That’s downright ridiculous.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve grabbed one of them and pressed a button only to have something else turn on rather than the one I was meaning to. They all look alike. Four of them have the red-green-yellow-blue AV row which makes them all look like each other. By far, the worst offender is the PS3 remote. Since it runs on Bluetooth, just inadvertently brushing against any of the gazillion buttons on it, whichever way it’s pointing, turns on the PS3 as long as it’s within range. Even Bobby can turn on the PS3.

51vck81umil_sl500_ss75_I have a big, clunky old Pioneer Universal Learning Remote, but I can’t find the manual and can’t remember how to add devices to it. Nothing on the net about it either. Which effectively turns it into a big, clunky old paperweight. Oh, my kingdom for a Logitech Harmony 1100!

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